


Keeping Us a Secret

by AshKnight



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Swan Queen - Freeform, swanqueen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2014-09-02
Packaged: 2018-01-26 14:58:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1692497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshKnight/pseuds/AshKnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SwanQueen AU. Emma and Regina attend high school together, but don't meet until their Senior year.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He's My Boyfriend

"Of course I love him," a young Emma Swan protested. "He's my boyfriend."

"That doesn't necessarily mean you're in love, Emma," her mother retorted, setting her mug of coffee down on the kitchen table and taking a seat in front of it.

Emma thought about this. Was she in love with him? Certainly, she loved him. They'd known each other since the beginning of Freshman year of high school, and they were now both Seniors. But was she _in love?_ Frustrated that she wasn't sure, she stormed out of the kitchen and hurried up the stairs to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Determined not to eat her words, she texted her boyfriend and waited anxiously for his reply, not wanting to feel alone.

The next day, the first say of her Senior year, when she found him in the hallway, she locked lips with him in a passionate kiss, one that was quickly broken up as the principal of the school walked by and saw the public display of affection.

"That's enough, Ms. Swan," he said sternly, tapping her on the shoulder.

She pulled away reluctantly, tempted to ignore him all together. Once she'd watched him leave, she looked back at the boy in front of her, who was leaning up against his locker, and smiled.

"Hey, Neal."

"What was that about?" he laughed, wrapping both arms around her waist and pulling her close until their hips were touching.

"Nothing. I just love you."

The words were sticky and hard to get out, but Emma forced them. She was intent on proving her mother wrong. If she wasn't in love with him already, she would be soon.

"I love you too, babe," he said with a smile, then gently held her away and looked into her eyes. "Gotta get to class. See you later?"

"Yeah."

Emma couldn't stop the dryness of the answer, couldn't make it taste sweeter and less bitter. To her dismay, she barely found herself able to care. Somehow, spending time shut in her room with her headphones on seemed a more appealing plan than spending time with him.

At lunch, she sat at a table with her friends and ate quietly, not feeling like saying much. She didn't have much to add to the conversation, anyway. Her mind was stuck on the boy she'd kissed that morning and the prospect of the afternoon she'd undoubtedly have to spend with him. Her gaze stayed stuck on her tray of food until a young brunette sat beside her, putting her own tray down as her dark eyes looked Emma over from head to toe.

"You're dating Neal Cassidy."

After a few blinks, Emma looked the girl over and said, "Yeah. What of it?"

"He's a twerp."

"What do you care?"

The girl laughed and shook her head.

"I don't. It's just that... well... you're nerdy, but you're better than him. He's a real twat."

"Hey!" Emma cried. "Shut up! What the fuck do you want, anyway?"

"Chill out, lady. Just making polite conversation."

Her wicked grin spread from one cheek to the other as she looked at Emma, knowing all too well that her words were nothing more than bullshit. Still, Emma couldn't figure out why the girl would talk to her in the first place.

"Is that it?" Emma asked shortly, putting her fork down.

"Yep. That's it."

The girl picked up her tray and stood up, sitting down with another group of girls a few tables away, leaving Emma with a confused, blank stare on her face. When she thought about it, she realized she didn't even know the brunette's name.

After school, Emma found herself in her room with Neal, laying on the bed. He pressed his lips to hers, and she didn't pull away, but she didn't kiss back. When he rolled on top of her, reached between his legs, and started to undo his jeans, she pushed him off and rolled her eyes.

"Not tonight, okay? I'm really not in the mood," she told him coldly.

He looked surprised - he was used to having his way - but nodded his head and flopped back with his head on the pillow.

"So what are we doing then?"

"Can't we just watch a movie or something? I mean, I'm tired of fucking all the time. It's all we do."

"Yeah, I guess so," he reluctantly agreed, sitting up and looking at her. "What do you want to watch? No romantic comedies!"

Again, she rolled her eyes, sitting up too and grabbing her case full of movies and thumbing through them one-by-one.

The next day, to Emma's surprise, in her math class, the brunette from lunch the previous afternoon sat beside her with a smile, putting her books on the desk and looking around the room.

"Hey, dork," she said playfully, flashing Emma a grin.

The blonde rolled her eyes and opened her textbook as the teacher gathered her things and prepared to begin the class period.

"So have you dumped the little creep yet?" the girl asked seriously.

"No. We've been dating since Freshman year. Why would I break up with him?"

"I don't know. Because he's gross?"

"Just shut up. I want to pay attention, okay? I need to do well in this class, for my college applications."

"Nerd."

"What is your problem?"

"Nothing. You're just a total geek."

"First, you insult my boyfriend, then you insult me?"

"Don't misunderstand me. 'Dork' is a term of endearment. You're fine. He's just disgusting."

"Alright..." Emma said, turning her attention to the teacher for the duration of the class, still feeling confused by the girl's behavior.

Just before the class ended and they gathered their books, the brunette turned to Emma and said, "I'm Regina. Regina Mills."

"I'm-"

"I know who you are," Regina said quickly, cutting her off. "You're Emma Swan. The soon-to-be valedictorian."

Emma chuckled at this, shaking her head.

"I don't know about that. Belle French has quite the edge on me in math."

"I'm actually pretty good at it, if you need help."

Surprised at the gesture of kindness from the bold girl beside her, she actually cracked a smile.

"Actually, that would be great. Want to do homework together tonight?"

"You're not hanging out with your loser boyfriend?"

"Not if you want to hang, no."

Regina gave a satisfied smile and nodded her head, saying, "Meet me out front after school. We can take the bus to my place."

Emma nodded, and Regina turned and walked away.


	2. He is a Jerk

"So, this is it," the brunette said, opening the door to the huge mansion she called home.

"Wow," Emma breathed, taking it all in.

Her own family was relatively well off, but not like this. This was extravagance at its best. Nothing to scoff at.

"Eh. It's nothing, really."

"If I lived here, I'd never want to leave."

"Oh, trust me. You would if you had Cora for a mother."

Emma laughed and asked, "That bad?"

When Regina nodded, Emma smiled and followed the girl up the stairs to her bedroom.

The two spent the next few hours completing their homework assignments, and when they were done, they sat awkwardly in silence, until Emma finally couldn't stand it.

"Why don't you like him?"

"He's rude and full of himself," Regina responded, knowing exactly who Emma was talking about.

Taking this in, Emma leaned back in her chair and sighed. Regina was right. Neal did seem to think highly of himself, but Emma didn't want to admit this out loud, so she stayed quiet for a while.

"Do you want to watch a movie and stay for dinner?" Regina finally asked, as Emma started to pack up her books.

Caught a little off guard, Emma nodded her head and sat back down beside Regina.

"What kind of movies do you like?"

"Anything but romantic comedies."

Emma laughed, "You sound like Neal."

"Ugh," Regina groaned. "Don't say that."

"Sorry," Emma apologized, not having realized her words before she spoke them.

It was a little ironic, though, which Emma found amusing, but she didn't press the issue. When they decided on a movie, Regina put the disc into the player and sat back down beside Emma. When she did, their shoulders touched.

Regina's cell phone rang half-way through the film, and Regina paused it to answer.

"Hey, babe," she said into the speaker, but didn't smile. "What's up?"

After a pause where the man on the other end of the line was speaking, the brunette continued, "Not tonight. I'm hanging out with Emma. Emma Swan. Yeah, I know. She's cool though."

Regina paused to wink at Emma, who simply looked like a deer in a car's headlights.

"Yeah, you too," Regina said, hanging up the phone, then turning back to Emma. "That was my boyfriend, Robin."

"Wait. Robin Robin? As in, Robin Hood? As in, biggest jerk in the school? He's a two-faced bastard! You're dating him?"

"What can I say?" Regina laughed. "He's a good lay. At least I know he's a jerk."

"Why date him if you don't even like him?"

"I was just kidding, by the way. He's a terrible lay."

Emma grinned at this, unable to hold back her laughter as Regina laughed too.

"It's all for appearances, Emma," Regina explained. "I'm not exactly into men, if you know what I mean."

When Regina's pinkie brushed hers, Emma jumped and automatically moved away, eyes wide.

At first, she didn't know what to say, but managed, "D-Does he know?"

"As long as he gets fucked, he doesn't care."

"Why fuck him if it doesn't get you off?"

"Fucking Neal gets you off?"

Emma's jaw dropped, appalled at the audacity and boldness of the question. It was obvious that Regina Mills had no shame or boundaries whatsoever, which made Emma nervous.

"N-No."

"Does fucking girls?"

"I... I wouldn't know."

"Are you not into them, or have you just never tried?"

"I've never... I mean... I'm not... I'm not gay."

"I didn't say 'gay.' I said 'into girls.'"

"No," Emma said sternly. "I like guys."

"Just not the one you're with."

"Dude!" Emma screamed. "Shut up!"

"Why are you with him?"

"I don't know! Because we've always been together! Because this is all I know."

"There you go," Regina said with a grin. "Thought so."

"Ugh. Just shut up."

"It's okay, you know. I get it. Robin and I have been going together for a long time, too. When I realized I was into girls, he told me he didn't care as long as he kept getting fucked, so we agreed to stay together to keep up appearances." When Emma didn't say anything, Regina asked, "Aren't you even a little bit curious?"

"Huh? About what?"

"About girls."

"N-No. I mean, I never really thought about it."

"Until now, you mean."

"Y-Yeah, I g-guess."

Regina laughed.

"It's okay to be curious. It doesn't mean you're gay."

"I'm not!"

"Alright, alright! Anyway, it's time for dinner. We should go downstairs."

With a nod, Emma followed Regina down the enormous staircase into the dining room.

When she got home and finally checked her phone - she hadn't touched it the entire time she'd been at Regina's - she found seven missed calls, all from Neal. When she dialed him back, he immediately started screaming.

"What the fuck, Emma?" he roared. "I've been calling you for hours! Where were you?"

"Calm down. It's really not a big deal. I was with Regina Mills. We were doing homework."

But Neal continued to scream, until Emma finally hung up on him and texted Regina.

' **You're right. He is a dick. - Em'**

' **What happened? - Mills'**

' **Do you care? - Em'**

' **I care if you do. - Mills'**

Emma was taken aback by the kindness of her words, and hesitated to the respond with the truth, but ultimately decided to be honest with her new friend.

' **He screamed his head off at me because I hadn't been answering my phone. - Em'**

' **I'm sorry. That sucks. He shouldn't have done that to you. - Mills'**

' **It's okay. - Em'**

' **Do you want me to call? - Mills'**

' **No, it's fine. I'm just a little shaken up. He's never yelled at me like that before. Then again, I've never not answered his calls before. - Em'**

' **It's really shitty of him to freak out at you. You deserve respect. - Mills'**

' **And Robin using your for your body is respectful? -Em'**

' **No. - Mills'**

' **I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. - Em'**

' **It's fine. - Mills'**

' **Thanks for talking. It helps. -Em'**

' **You're welcome. Anytime. - Mills'**

' **See you tomorrow. - Em'**

' **Yep. - Mills'**

Emma fell asleep on top of the covers, holding her phone, still shaken up by her boyfriend's outburst. Strangely enough, as her eyes closed, she found herself thinking of her previous conversation with Regina and of what it would be like to kiss a girl. Then, she began to imagine what it would be like to kiss Regina.


	3. Too Shy To Scream

Emma woke in a sweat, shaken by her heated dream. All the next day, she couldn't push the thought away. Instead, it stayed prominent, even when she found herself sitting beside the object of the dream.

"You okay, Em?" Regina asked, looking concerned as she put her hand on the blonde girl's shoulder.

Emma nodded her head weakly.

"Didn't sleep well."

Regina nodded and didn't press the issue, but knew there was more to the story.

After class, as Emma gathered her books, Regina stopped and put her hand on Emma's shoulder again.

"If you need someplace to go, just to get away from stuff, you can always come over, okay? The offer stands."

Surprised at the generosity, Emma nodded and clutched her textbooks to her chest.

"Thanks," she mumbled.

Strangely enough, though Emma saw Regina around in the hallways a lot, the girl never greeted her. The only time they spoke during school hours was when they sat beside each other in their math class. In fact, Regina seemed to be pretending that Emma didn't exist. When Emma noticed her hanging out with the other most popular girls in the school, she quickly realized why. Emma was, as Regina said, a 'dork,' and it was hardly appropriate for the young beauty queen to associate with Emma in public. It would be social suicide.

Given the cold shoulder she was getting, Emma chose not to take the girl up on her offer of support, and even took to talking to her less and less. Something about it was off putting, that the girl would simply ignore her. Part of her was frustrated with the situation and wanted to embrace the friend she'd almost found in Regina, but she knew that if she did, it would only ever be part-time, which wasn't something she was willing to settle for. People acting two-faced simply made her want to gag. Eventually, they stopped saying anything to each other at all.

But the longer this anger built, the more and more Emma found herself thinking of Regina, and the more and more the heated dreams seemed to fill her nights. In class, as she said nothing, she thought away their hands had touched, the way Regina had sat beside her with their shoulders pressed together. She couldn't get it out of her head, especially when she smelled the girl's perfume when they sat together.

The more intense the dreams became, the harder it was for Emma to focus during her math class. She found herself looking over at the beautiful brunette more often than she wanted to admit, watching the girl's mouth curl into the smile whenever the teacher - who was relatively funny - made a joke.

"Mom," Emma finally said to her parent, "I think something's wrong with me."

"What do you mean, sweetie?"

"I think I like someone else."

"You mean, like, other than Neal?"

"Yes!" Emma snapped. "Yes."

"Oh, honey... I tried to tell you this. Just because you've been with someone a long time doesn't mean they're right for you," her mother told her. "Does he know?"

Emma shook her head. There was no way she could possibly tell him about her feelings, and there was certainly no way she could tell either of them who they were for.

"He thinks we're fine."

"But you're not fine."

"No."

"If you're not happy with him, honey, you should end it. Don't waste your love on someone who doesn't complete you."

But Emma refused to further acknowledge her feelings, deciding instead to settle herself into a comfortable place of denial. But each time she saw Regina in the hallway, this spell was broken. As she watched Regina's lips connect with Robin's, Emma felt her stomach turn. _Gross_ , she was thinking, but she couldn't stifle the jealously that festered inside her.

It seemed that the longer Emma refused to speak to her, the more irritated Regina became. The girl seemed determined to barely acknowledge Emma's presence, let alone say a word to her.

"I have to deal with this," Emma told herself, throwing a few books across her desk in her bedroom. "I have to."

So, she sat down at the desk with her headphones in and wrote a note in her neatest handwriting.

" _I'd die, if you only_

_Met my eyes_

_Before you pass by,_

_Will you pause to break my heart?"_

She left the lyrics to her favorite AFI song, "Too Shy to Scream," in the girl's locker the next day, without signing the note.

After school, as she let her boyfriend fuck her, she stared at the ceiling, picturing Regina's dark, seductive eyes.


	4. You'll Like This

When Emma woke the next morning to find the boy beside her, she cringed. _Just tell him,_ her heart whispered, but she couldn't bring herself to wake him.

At school the next day, all she could think of was the beautiful brunette, and the way the girl would flick her hair out of her face when it fell into her eyes. But when she sat down in her math class, the last thing she expected was to see Regina storming towards her, holding the paper Emma had put in her locker the day before.

"Was this you?" Regina snapped, slamming the paper down on Emma's desk.

The blonde flinched, stuttering and barely making words with her lips.

"N-No. I mean... No. W-What is it?"

Emma knew full well what it was, though, and she wasn't sure if her denial was more to convince Regina or to convince herself, as she was overwhelmed by shame and embarrassment. When Regina met her gaze, she felt a twinge of pain in her chest.

Regina's eyes narrowed.

"Read it."

Emma took the paper cautiously and saw her own handwriting on the page. What could she say? She could certainly lie. That was one option, but it wasn't a good one. Emma decided that she had to tell the truth.

"What about it?"

"Was it you?"

After a pause, Emma challenged, "What if it was?"

Regina's tone suddenly softened as she sat down beside the girl, setting her books on the desk.

"Then I'd be very surprised."

Emma looked away at the teacher walked to the front of the class and stayed silent as the woman began to talk. She was grateful for the break in the conversation and happy to have time to think over her next choice of words. Maybe she'd get away with saying nothing. Maybe Regina would just drop it.

Avoiding meeting the brunette's gaze, Emma focused hard on the lesson, until the teacher finally dismissed the class and collected her things.

After this, Regina leaned in and whispered, "Come home with me," in Emma's ear.

 _Why?_ Emma wanted to ask. _Why would you suddenly pay attention to me?_ But she kept her mouth shut as she gathered her books and left the classroom.

After the final bell rang, she felt her heart begin to race as she made her way to the entrance of the school where she waited for Regina. When the girl found her, she stayed quiet, but took Emma's arm in hers as they boarded the school bus. Regina clutched Emma's arm until they reached her stop.

Even when they reached Regina's bedroom, the girl said nothing at first. Instead, once Emma was sitting on the bed, she took both of the girl's hands and leaned in slowly, kneeling in front of her on the mattress. Only then did she speak again.

"I knew you'd come around," Regina said softly, the burst of her breath making the skin on Emma's neck tingle.

"Wait," was all Emma could whisper in response, leaning back against the wall.

But Regina pressed her forehead against Emma's, letting go of one of her hands to stroke her friend's cheek.

"I can't," Regina said quietly. "I've waited too long for this already."

When Emma didn't respond, Regina kissed her softly, letting her fingers slide through Emma's wavy locks of smooth blonde hair. At first, Emma started to pull away, but when Regina continued to lean in, keeping their lips connected, she finally gave in and let their lips move together. She didn't know what to do with her hands, so she left them at her sides, but the kiss didn't end there. Regina grabbed a hold of Emma's thighs and pulled hard until Emma had slid down on the bed and had one leg on each side of Regina's waist.

"W-Wait," Emma tried again.

"Are you sure?" the brunette asked, her voice low and seductive, making Emma shiver.

"N-No," she stuttered, clenching her hands, which were still at her sides, into fists.

"Then kiss me."

So the girls locked their lips again as Regina leaned over Emma, sliding her hands up and down the girl's sides. At first, the kiss stayed slow, but Regina grew hungry and began to slide her fingers under Emma's shirt, lifting it just slightly. The cool breeze from the bedroom window gave Emma goosebumps.

"Put your hands on me," Regina said slowly, breaking their lips apart until Emma obeyed.

The blonde put her hands on Regina's arms at first, but the girl pulled away and moved them to her waist.

"You've never kissed a girl before," Regina noted, earning a nervous nod from Emma. "Pull me closer. Make our hips touch."

Emma blushed at the suggestion but did as she was told, even though the movement was half-hearted, barely making their bodies touch.

"No," the brunette said. "Touch me like you want me. Don't you want me?"

"Yes," Emma whimpered, pulling their hips together a little harder.

Their lips locked again, but this time, Emma was more eager. When Regina slid her tongue over Emma's bottom lip, she moaned softly and pushed her hips up. The brunette's smiled against Emma's lips, but the blonde could only blush in response, embarrassed at her involuntary movement.

"It's okay," Regina whispered. "It's supposed to feel good."

But this didn't calm Emma's nerves. In fact, the sound of Regina's voice made her feel weak. As Regina pushed her hips against Emma's, she pulled another little moan from the girl's lips. Again, this made her smile, but only brought more embarrassment to Emma's face as she blushed and turned her head away.

Regina was persistent, though, and turned the girl's girl's face gently, kissing her lips.

"Move against me," Regina said, "until it feels good."

Reluctantly, Emma tried this, and found her head spinning when the friction made her core hot with desire. Regina continued to talk her through the steps of seduction until Emma felt she might burst from the burning between her legs.

"Undress me. Slowly."

So, after Regina rolled onto her back, Emma moved on top of her and did as she was told, removing each item of clothing at an agonizingly slow pace until she noticed Regina's chest heaving and her face growing red with warmth.

"Touch me," she said, "wherever you want to."

Emma started at her hips, savoring the feeling of her fingertips sliding over soft, smooth skin.

"Kiss me there."

Scooting down on the bed, Emma leaned in and pressed her lips just beside Regina's left hip, causing the girl's hips to lift just slightly. Emma couldn't help but smile at her own success, finally encouraged by the subtle movement.

"Take your clothes off."

This made Emma nervous, but she did it anyway, leaving only her panties, just as slowly as she'd removed Regina's clothes moments before. When she looked back at Regina, the girl's eyes seemed to spark like two pieces of flint. When she settled back in between Regina's legs, the brunette slid the panties down to her thighs.

"It's okay," she encouraged Emma. "You'll like this."

And Emma learned quickly that Regina was right.


	5. How Was That?

"How was that, Princess?" Regina cooed playfully, stroking the girl's blonde hair.

Breathless, Emma started to reply, "That was... I...Um..."

Regina was grinning as she pulled the girl closer, their bodies pressed together.

"You moan like a porn star," the brunette giggled, kissing Emma's forehead.

"What?" Emma gasped, trying to sit up, but Regina held her tightly.

Emma's cheeks suddenly filled with warm, embarrassed blood.

"It's okay. It's sexy. I like it."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Regina..."

"What is it, babe?"

"I've never come before."

"What? Seriously?" Emma nodded weakly and let Regina continue with, "Actually, it's not all that surprising. I mean, look who you're fucking."

"Shut up, okay? I know."

"Oh, so you get it now?"

"Yes. I get it now."

Looking dismayed, Emma turned her head away, but Regina tilted it gently back towards her.

"It's okay. Really. Dealing with your sexuality isn't easy."

"I'm not gay," Emma snapped, pushing Regina away as she sat up.

"I didn't say you were."

"Well, I'm not."

"But you're into me?"

"Y-Yes..."

"You hesitated."

"I just don't know how to deal with this. How I feel about you."

"Just kiss me, you idiot," Regina giggled, grabbing Emma and pulling the girl down on top of her, locking their lips in a slow burning kiss. When she pulled away, Regina whispered, "Come here," and pulled Emma even closer, until the girl's head was resting on her shoulder. "You get why I can't be public with this, don't you?"

Emma lifted her head and shook it vigorously.

"No, I really don't."

"It would ruin me."

"What the fuck do you care what other people think anyway?"

"What about you? Are you ready to come out to the whole school?"

"I can't come out if I'm not gay."

"But you'd go steady with me?"

"I didn't say that."

Regina was taken aback by this, and simply said, "Oh," leaning back against the pillow and letting the subject drop, but left her arms around Emma.

_What the fuck do you want from me then?_ Regina wanted to know, but she refused to ask. She refused to admit that it mattered. _Sex,_ she reasoned. _Just sex. She's attracted to me. That doesn't mean anything._ But Regina felt her palms begin to sweat, so she dropped her hands to her sides.

"What?" Emma pressed, sitting up and looking into the brunette's brown eyes.

"Nothing," Regina lied, sitting up too and gently pushing Emma off of her.

"Hey, wait," Emma tried. "What's up?"

"Nothing."

"Why won't you talk to me?"

"Because you're not interested in talking. You're so far in the closet you can't even deal with what you want."

"I'm not gay!" Emma screamed, jumping off the bed and grabbing her clothes off the nightstand.

"Emma, don't," Regina begged, then silently cursed herself for actually begging.

"What exactly is it you think I want?"

"You wouldn't have left that note in my locker if all you wanted was a quick fuck."

Emma's mouth fell open. Honestly, she hadn't even thought about it. She'd done it on impulse, without any logic. She had to deal with her feelings, even if she didn't know what they were. All she knew was that she couldn't stand being ignored, and she couldn't stop thinking about Regina.

"I wasn't looking to get fucked."

"Then what were you looking for?"

"I don't know. I honestly don't know."

"Emma, come here. It's okay. You don't have to be gay to want this."

"Want what?" Emma asked nervously, standing awkwardly beside the bed with her small pile of clothes in her arms.

"Me."

"I don't want-" Emma tried, but cut herself off with silence.

"Please tell me you're not wasting my time."

"I'm not!" Emma cried, sitting down beside Regina. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't think of it that way. I'm not using you. I just don't understand this. How I'm feeling."

"Just say that you want me. How can you be attracted to me but not want this, when we connect so well?"

"You wouldn't be in a relationship with me anyway," the blonde said bitterly. "You're with Robin, and you wouldn't dare tarnish your own reputation for the sake of some stupid girl who's crazy about you."

' _Crazy about you?'_ Emma scolded herself. _What the fuck?_

"Crazy about me?"

"I don't know. I think about you all the time. I can't get you out of my head. I'm more and more repulsed by Neal and I don't know what to do, but it doesn't even matter, because even if I did want to try this, it's totally out of the question. Besides, our parents would freak out."

"Who says they'd have to know? It doesn't have to be public, Emma. We can keep our private life private."

"You're going to cheat on Robin and just keep me a dirty little secret?"

"You're not a secret! It's just nobody's business who I'm into."

"What about Robin?" Emma pressed roughly, subconsciously clenching her hand into a first.

When Regina saw this, she wrapped her hand around Emma's and sighed.

"I'd tell him. He wouldn't care."

"I wouldn't want to share you."

"We could work it out."

"No, we couldn't. I'm not going to be your lover, fuck you, and then have you turn around and fuck him."

"That's what's going to happen if you're _not_ with me."

Emma bit her lip and looked away, knowing it was true. But what was she supposed to do? She certainly wasn't going to settle for being some second-best dirty little secret. Then again, Regina was right. There was no way they could be public.

"What about you?" Emma asked. "What do _you_ want?"

"I want you, Emma."

"Then prove it."

"How?" Regina asked, squeezing Emma's hand.

"Leave him."

"You know I can't do that."

"Then forget it."

"Wait! Emma, no."

"What do you see in me, anyway?"

"We just connect. You make me smile. I care about you."

"You should have acted like it."

"I know," Regina sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Leave him."

Finally, Regina snapped, "Leave Neal, then."

"You first."

"Emma, I can't."

"Then we'll never be together. I won't share you. I'll be your secret, but I won't be your mistress."

"I'm sorry."

Regina looked at the floor, and when she said nothing, Emma pulled on her clothes and turned to leave.

"Emma, please," Regina tried, but Emma was already gone.


	6. Bitter

Emma was more than bitter. She was furious. _What a waste of my time,_ she complained to herself. _How could I have been so stupid?_ But she kept dreaming of Regina. Except, this time, is wasn't just kisses that they shared, and every morning she woke beside Neal, she felt her stomach turn with nausea.

The next day in math class, Emma sat on the other side of the room, nearly slamming her books down on the table. The stress migraine made her brain ache, and taking ibuprofen did nothing to numb the pain. As much as she wanted to steal a glance at the beautiful brunette, she fought the urge and stared hard at the front of the class. Other than the few jokes the teacher cracked, the lesson was excessively boring, but Emma focused as intently as she could. Just before the class ended, Emma found her vision blurred and the pain turning her stomach, until she slammed her notebook back down on the desk and bolted out of the classroom and down the hall toward the bathroom where she emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

She gasped when she heard footsteps approaching, then gagged involuntarily as she hurled more of her lunch into the basin in front of her.

"Emma?" a girl's voice said softly as she stepped up behind the open stall and held the door open. "Are you okay?"

"Fuck off," Emma groaned, throwing up again, her head spinning from the migraine.

"Should I get the nurse?"

"Get out of here, Regina," the blonde hissed, reaching behind her and slamming the door shut as she dry-heaved.

Reluctantly, the brunette left the room, letting Emma finish getting sick.

Emma spent the rest of the afternoon in the nurse's office and only returned to her locker at the end of the day when the final bell rang. To her dismay, the first sight she saw was Regina pressed against the locker by her lover, their tongues entwined like vines. Wanting to throw up again but having nothing left to expel from her stomach, Emma gagged and slammed her locker shut, hurrying down the hallway away from the overly-affectionate couple to catch the bus home.

Her boyfriend was unable to catch up with her before she boarded the bus, so he texted her quickly.

' **Hanging out tonight? - Neal'**

Emma thought about this, considering her options. On the one hand, what she wanted most was to scream and cry, but on the other hand, the last thing she wanted was to be alone.

' **Come fuck me. - Em'**

Half-hearted sex commenced, but no matter how hard Emma tried to enjoy it, to finish, she couldn't come. By the time Neal got his happy ending and pulled out, she was crying.

"Babe, what's the matter?" he asked anxiously, but sounded more irritated than anything else.

Unable to speak, Emma grabbed a pillow, covered her face, and sobbed into it. Neal hurried to put his clothes back on, his face red with frustration, not knowing how to handle the situation. He wasn't used to dealing with girls crying, especially not his girlfriend, so he simply sat on the bed and put his hand on her forearm. _He's not even trying,_ Emma thought bitterly, and pulled away.

"Go," she choked.

He hesitated, but grabbed his backpack and hurried out of the room, down the stairs, and out to his car, saying nothing else.

' **I love you. - Neal** ,' was the first text she saw when checking her phone.

The next was from Regina.

' **I hope you're okay. - Mills'**

Though she thought about replying to both, she said nothing to either of them, powering down the phone as she decided to go to bed early to numb her torment, even though her persistent migraine made this nearly impossible.

In the morning, she finally approached her mother at the breakfast table with tears in her eyes and whimpered, "Mom."

As soon as her mother saw the tears threatening to slip from the girl's eyes, she embraced her daughter and kissed her temple.

"What is it, baby?" she asked sweetly, stroking the girl's hair.

"I don't love Neal. I want someone else."

"Oh, honey. It's okay. Love is hard to come by. I know you'll find the right boy. You just have to wait for your Princes Charming to find you, and he will."

"I found her, Mom," Emma sobbed into her mother's shoulder.

At first, the woman's mouth opened, but she closed it quickly and kissed the top of her daughter's head.

"Oh," she whispered quietly as Emma kept crying. "What happened, Emma?"

"I cheated on Neal, but she... She has a boyfriend, and she won't leave him. But she doesn't love him!"

"Did you ask her to? Sometimes people need to know exactly what you want before they can give it to you."

"Yes," Emma sniffled. "She said no. She doesn't want anyone to know about us."

"Are you still seeing her?"

"No. I won't talk to her unless she leaves him. I just can't."

Her mother nodded, saying, "I understand. Why don't I make you some hot chocolate, sweetie? Chocolate always makes me feel better."

The woman forced a weak smile, earning one from Emma in return as they both stood up to go into the kitchen.

"Maybe she just needs time," her mother said gently. "Maybe she's just afraid. But if you don't love Neal, you need to leave him."

"I know."

Emma wiped the tear that fell from her eye and took a sip of the hot chocolate, wincing as she burned her tongue.

"Shit," she hissed, setting the cup down on the counter, making the hot liquid splash over the side. With a sigh, she turned back to her mother and said, "Tell me how to win her over."

"Do you love her?" her mother asked, looking into Emma's eyes for the truth in her answer.

"I don't know."

"I don't think you'd be in so much pain if you didn't, honey."

"So what do I do?"

"You show her, Emma. You show her."


	7. Lyrics

At first, Emma wasn't sure if she should follow her mother's advice or not. Why bother trying? Why embarrass herself? Why make it hurt more when she was rejected? But some part of her needed to know just how much Regina cared, if she even cared at all. In a desperate attempt to win the girl over, she scribbled a note and slipped it into the girl's locker during her lunch period. It simply said, "Please."

Emma watched for change and waited for contact, but it didn't come. Instead, they stayed on opposite sides of the classroom, and Regina continued to suck on her boyfriend's face every day in the hallway, showing utter disregard for Emma's aching heart.

In the next note, Emma relied once more on song lyrics to express her feelings, using the song "James Dean & Audrey Hepburn" by another one of her favorite bands, Sleeping With Sirens.

' _Stay for tonight_

_If you want to_

_I can show you_

_What my dreams are made of,_

_as I'm dreaming of your face_

_I've been away for a long time_

_Such a long time_

_And I miss you there_

_I can't imagine being anywhere else_

_I can't imagine being anywhere else but here'_

But again, her attempt was fruitless, causing no change in Regina or the girl's behavior. After some encouragement from her mother, she made a new resolution to put new lyrics in Regina's locker every morning.

**[LINE BREAK]**

' _It's 4:03 and I can't sleep_

_Without you next to me I_

_Toss and turn like the sea'_

_-Shinedown, "If You Only Knew"_

**[LINE BREAK]**

' _Well you're the closest thing I have_

_To bring up in a conversation_

_About a love that didn't last_

_But I could never call you mine_

_'Cause I could never call myself yours_

_And if we were really meant to be_

_Well then we just defied destiny_

_It's not that our love died_

_Just never really bloomed_

_Well I can't let go_

_No, I can't let go of you_

_You're holding me back without even trying to._

_I can't let go_

_I can't move on from the past_

_Without lifting a finger you're holding me back.'_

_-Landon Pigg, "Can't Let Go"_

**[LINE BREAK]**

After a few more desperate notes, Emma finally gave up. A few days later, when she opened her locker, she found a note in elegant handwriting waiting for her on top of a pile of her books.

**[LINE BREAK]**

' _Something in the way she moves_

_Attracts me like no other lover_

_Something in the way she woos me_

_I don't want to leave her now_

_You know I believe and how_

_Somewhere in her smile she knows_

_That I don't need no other lover_

_Something in her style that shows me_

_Don't want to leave her now_

_You know I believe and how'_

_-The Beatles, "Something"_

At the end, there were just three more words.

' _I left him.'_

**[LINE BREAK]**

Emma's stomach turned when she saw a shadow appear beside her.

"Emma," the brunette said softly, putting a hand on Emma's shoulder.

Emma turned around slowly, but as soon as she did, Regina wrapped her arms around her and embraced her in a hug. When Emma pulled away, Regina found her lips and kissed her softly.

"I'm not scared anymore," Regina whispered in her ear, then kissed her again.

"Is this really happening?" Emma breathed against her lips.

"Yes."

So Emma pulled her close and didn't let go, resting her cheek against Regina's.

"So what changed your mind?" Emma asked.

"You did."


End file.
